Have I lamented before about the lack of serviceable Mexican food in Seattle? Good, well let me tell you about another bleh experience. Bandolero.
In typical fashion, my wife and I were starving. We hadn't really eaten all day, had been gone from home for hours, and were stuck in that sort of upper U District, not quite Wallingford area of town. We happenellinon ad artle f toter &nbsesta hapts. d upp;We lite tuclus awaof restaurants. We were turned away at Kisaku, and then went to Bandolero.
We were d event to go to in just 45 short minutes, and knew we needed to eat in 40. Well, telling the wait staff we were in a hurry did nothing for our service. We waited 27 minutes for chips and salsa. We waited tens of minutes at a clip to see anyone, and our drinks stayed relatively empty.
Starving, we ordered a little smattering of what they had to offer, sopas, ceviche, carne asada tacos, and their sort of signature chicken mole enchiladas. I recognize it is unwise to order apps and an entree when you are in a hurry, but we told the staff to bring out anything they had ready when it was up and that we would take everything out on the table at the same time if possible. No dice.
Who even knows how long we waited on our real food. Did I say that we waited 27 minutes for chips and salsa? Does that give you an idea? The traditional salsa, by the way, was pretty devoid of spice and flavor. The carne asada meat came out cold. The ceviche was ok, but just ok. The mole was ok, but thin and tasked burnt (not smokey). It had the potential to be very good even, but the I just couldn't shake this burnt flavor.
So, did I mention the wait staff screwed up our order? They did. Carne asada tacos. Out comes a carne asada nachos. "We ordered carne asada tacos." "Let me go check on that." Out comes out waitress again, "I had here that you ordered carne asada nachos." My wife "I ordered the tacos." Waitress "Oh, well that's not what I had." She held the food out and said, "I had nachos, is this ok?" We had to leave 5 minutes before it even came. My wife looks at me, sad. I say "Whatever, can you at least bring out some tortillas?" The waitress says, "Sure."
Ten minutes later, the already cool meat got colder, still no tortillas. We wave someone down, ask again, and another 5 minutes later they arrive. Three. Wouldn't want to give out more than three. The girl almost looks mad at giving them. Getting the bill was a process I also don't wish to discuss, but let's just say that "in a hurry" didn't seem to signify either leaving the bill with our dinner, or coming by with the bill, or coming by at all after delivery or when delivering others' checks. Get the picture?
Epic fail.
The place does appear to be more "saloon" in feel then restaurant, along with accumulated cob webs under the table. For bar food, it was ok. For a restaurant, it was terrible. In review, not-tasty salsa, burnt mole, cold meat, wrong order, terrible service, no hurry. And no restitution. My wife left feeling bad, she wrote on the bill "less than average service, less than average tip" and left 5%. I said, "Good job."
carne asada "tacos"
Bandolero 2253 North 56th Street Seattle, WA 98103 206-633-5828
1.5 of 5 (only because the mole had potential)
UPDATE: Apparently my wife and I weren't the only ones that had a terrible experience. This restaurant's website is down, and appears to be closed. They had over 3 stars on Yelp, yet another sign of the apocalypse
Yelp and I are friends. It had never disappointed me... until it recommended Chico's Tecate Grill. 4 stars. Please! With around 20 reviews, it felt safe - but it wasn't!!
First, let's talk methodology. Every now and then people's friends, acquaintances, family, or hired guns will over-hype average places. Sometimes, even, poor places. Crowdsourcing is a great way of combatting this. Generally, the aggregate has it. The masses. Like voters. Normally, you can expect a republic to function because the bulk of the populous are not bleating morons. So with Yelp, I always consider what the average response rate is for a given area. In San Francisco, it's generally 300-1200 for a decent place, New York sits around 200, Seattle around 50-100, Kennewick-Richland-Pasco is about 20. That's your base. If there are fewer responses than the average, by a standard deviation or two, the review is out. I consider the responses unreliable. If the responses are within a standard deviation from the expected output according to the area, and it's rated 4 (sometimes if I'm desperate a 3.5), I'll try the place out.
If you will allow additional digression. A very good friend of mine runs a small business. She has 5-7 five star reviews from clients. Of those, 0, that's right zero, show up on Yelp. Their "filter technology" filtered her real client's positive reviews because they seemed too good. Automatically. Her clients contacted Yelp, as did she, and all for naught. I might suggest, given the 4 rating of Chico's, that there are more problems than just my friend's issue with the system. YELP. FIX THIS!
Ok, so my wife and I are hungry for Mexican. The Tricities are good for that type of food, much better than the Western half of the state! After Yelp'ing, we landed on Chico's. It's a sort of fast casual establishment. When we arrived, I opened the car door and found a pile of vomit on the ground. This should have dissuaded me. But, four stars, right? We got inside, and there were a bunch of high school kids, with one tatted up person in their early 20's running the place. They all sat around talking, the cutest girl was at the register (of course), and we could see - see - microwaves in the back of the place. That should have dissuaded me.
Now my wife is accustomed to my antics. Ducks hanging in windows of Chinese restaurants promises authenticity and deliciousness. Mexican places where the staff doesn't speak English, that look slightly dingy, are hallmarks of tastiness. Plus, could Yelp be wrong?
Yes! The food, when it came, when the high school staff got around to nuking it, was disgusting. Burrito. Gross. Beans. Nigh unto rancid. Chips. Stale. There was one saving grace, a single salsa that tasted good. The rest, I would honestly best describe as putrid. They were clearly old, not moldy or anything, but not fresh and tasty. And someone, someone!! please tell me how you can nuke food and it still be cool (temperature-wise cool, not high school-wise cool).
My wife took three bites. I took four. Then we did something we never do. We said, let's chalk this one up to experience, and threw out the rest. We left, and found a better place for dinner - after our stomachs had recovered from their disgusting Mexican gut-bomb.
I really can't put too fine a point on it. This was the worst Mexican food I've ever eaten! Think of one of those places that Gordon Ramsey visits to save, before the saving. Think of a cool (not lukewarm, but cool) pile of brown and grey on a plate.
Chico's Tecate Grill Stay Away! 7704 W Clearwater Ave Kennewick, WA 99336 .5 of 5
