On Norms

Some might say that I am norm seeking. Others a norm deviant. I'm not sure it's germain to the conversation at hand, but in everything that is scalable there must be a scale. In anything where there is a spectrum, bads and goods, there must be an average. There must be a benchmark. There must be a norm.

For restaurants, and my 1-5 scale, these are your 2s, maybe on their best day a 3. They are where you go, spend a few dollars, and get a decent meal that *should be dependable. If you are in Tulsa or Moscow, you should be eating basically the same thing. Also, if you live in a smaller town, these might be your only options. That's ok, because they *shouldn't disappoint you.

Here are some of the more common standards I use. Also of note, something starts being "expensive" when it costs more than Outback.  Anything around the price of a meal at Applebee's is average, and fast food is cheap.  This is by no means exhaustive, but meant to be a fun little exercise...

American: Applebee's, TGI Friday's, Chili's.

Burgers: Red Robin.

Fast Food: Taco Bell, Wendy's

Fried Chicken: Zaxby's or Chik-Filet

Steak: Outback.

Italian: Olive Garden.

Breakfast/Bakeries: Panera Bread.

Sandwiches: Subway, Quiznos, Jersey Mike's, Blimpes.

Chinese: PF Chang's, and anywhere with the words Dragon, Panda, Express, Lucky, and Garden in the name.

Japanese: Anywhere with "Sushi" or "Tokyo" in the name, and mall sushi.

Thai: Anywhere with the word "Thai" in it.

Vietnamese: Anywhere with the word "Pho" or "Vietnamese" in it.

And finally, Mexican/Tex-Mex: Chipotle (often 4 stars of deliciousness!). 


You may also may enjoy a somewhat interesting quirk, I deal in the currency of Chipotle burritos when I eat out. For example, a $12 meal is two Chipotle burritos, a $30 one is five, etc. Because Chipotle is so delicious, you get a good sense of the relative value of your meal when you consider how many Chipotle burritos you are paying for it. (This is not product placement, I have not been offered any $ or burritos to talk up Chipotle. I will accept bribes in Chipotle burritos though.)

Taqueria San Bruno

Well, if I began this post by saying something catchy like "who would have suspected you could get some of the best Mexican food around at a little hole in the wall place in San Bruno, California" I think most people would think "well, me."  Why?  It's a little enclave for Hispanic folks just outside the San Francisco International Airport (SFO) area.  As you may have guessed, you can find some of the best Mexican food you may very well ever eat in San Bruno at Taqueria San Bruno.

It was so delicious that my wife insisted we make the detour not just after picking up a rental car in San Fran upon arrival, but when we were racing for a flight going home.  The outcome: if we weren't flying United - and the flight were not late - we would have been in a tad bit of trouble.  But, all was not lost because the food was utterly delicious and we boarded with everyone else!


So, feast your eyes upon:

Probably home made (although not in the restaurant) chips and fresh salsa.

and more salsa...

and more salsa...

and more salsa.

Carne asada that came out looking just like the picture on the wall.  Delicious (but needing just a tad bit more salt).

BBQ Pork Taco and Chicken Taco (you want the BBQ pork)

Close-up BBQ Pork

Close-up Chicken

A monster "super" burrito with carnitas. Look compared to the chip.

We went back and got the pork quesadilla and a chorizo burrito with chorizo and jalapeno  (not pictured).  This food was so delicious that my wife still talks about it, months later.  Wife "Remember that Mexican place in San Fran."  Me "Yes, still do. (it's only been 10 days since the last time you asked)"  


The chicken was good, but it's not what you want.  Not really.  The carnitas actually have some sort of crunchy, pork rind (skin) mixed in that are explosions of flavor and welcome texture.  The BBQ Pork and regular Pork have so much flavor.  The carne asada was delicious (but did need a little salt).  We also had some Horchata and their Pineapple drink.  Those also were utterly delicious (although be warned early in the morning the ice in the bin has not had time to melt and it is STRONG).  


While the food was not perfect, it was close to it.  The folks that run the joint are utterly hospitable and kind, and food comes up fast.  For all these reasons, it is on my top 3 Mexican places world-wide.  I doubt there will be a time that we travel through SFO and have more than 2 hours that my wife will not insist on taking a cab over to Taqueria San Bruno.  Remember that Mexican place in San Fran...


Taqueria San Bruno
1045 San Mateo Ave
San Bruno, CA 94066
(650) 873-1752
4.5 of 5

Chico's Tecate Grill

Yelp and I are friends.  It had never disappointed me... until it recommended Chico's Tecate Grill.  4 stars.  Please!  With around 20 reviews, it felt safe - but it wasn't!!

First, let's talk methodology.  Every now and then people's friends, acquaintances, family, or hired guns will over-hype average places.  Sometimes, even, poor places.  Crowdsourcing is a great way of combatting this.  Generally, the aggregate has it.  The masses.  Like voters.  Normally, you can expect a republic to function because the bulk of the populous are not bleating morons.  So with Yelp, I always consider what the average response rate is for a given area.  In San Francisco, it's generally 300-1200 for a decent place, New York sits around 200, Seattle around 50-100, Kennewick-Richland-Pasco is about 20.  That's your base.  If there are fewer responses than the average, by a standard deviation or two, the review is out.  I consider the responses unreliable.  If the responses are within a standard deviation from the expected output according to the area, and it's rated 4 (sometimes if I'm desperate a 3.5), I'll try the place out.

If you will allow additional digression.  A very good friend of mine runs a small business.  She has 5-7 five star reviews from clients.  Of those, 0, that's right zero, show up on Yelp.  Their "filter technology" filtered her real client's positive reviews because they seemed too good.  Automatically.  Her clients contacted Yelp, as did she, and all for naught.  I might suggest, given the 4 rating of Chico's, that there are more problems than just my friend's issue with the system.  YELP.  FIX THIS!

Ok, so my wife and I are hungry for Mexican.  The Tricities are good for that type of food, much better than the Western half of the state!  After Yelp'ing, we landed on Chico's.  It's a sort of fast casual establishment.  When we arrived, I opened the car door and found a pile of vomit on the ground.  This should have dissuaded me.  But, four stars, right?  We got inside, and there were a bunch of high school kids, with one tatted up person in their early 20's running the place.  They all sat around talking, the cutest girl was at the register (of course), and we could see - see - microwaves in the back of the place.  That should have dissuaded me.

Now my wife is accustomed to my antics.  Ducks hanging in windows of Chinese restaurants promises authenticity and deliciousness.  Mexican places where the staff doesn't speak English, that look slightly dingy, are hallmarks of tastiness.  Plus, could Yelp be wrong?

Yes!  The food, when it came, when the high school staff got around to nuking it, was disgusting.  Burrito.  Gross.  Beans.  Nigh unto rancid.  Chips.  Stale.  There was one saving grace, a single salsa that tasted good.  The rest, I would honestly best describe as putrid.  They were clearly old, not moldy or anything, but not fresh and tasty.  And someone, someone!! please tell me how you can nuke food and it still be cool (temperature-wise cool, not high school-wise cool).

My wife took three bites. I took four.  Then we did something we never do.  We said, let's chalk this one up to experience, and threw out the rest.  We left, and found a better place for dinner - after our stomachs had recovered from their disgusting Mexican gut-bomb.

I really can't put too fine a point on it.  This was the worst Mexican food I've ever eaten!  Think of one of those places that Gordon Ramsey visits to save, before the saving.  Think of a cool (not lukewarm, but cool) pile of brown and grey on a plate.

Chico's Tecate Grill
Stay Away!
7704 W Clearwater Ave
Kennewick, WA 99336
.5 of 5